I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize