come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
