Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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