I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
