I wannas sexs uuuuu
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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