so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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