elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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