How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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