We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
