we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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