just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize