we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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