I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
