My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize