I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
