why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
