Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I need to wash the frat house off of me
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Randomize
