I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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