My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
