matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
