i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
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