You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
