Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
