Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
