You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
