Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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