I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
