So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
