Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Randomize
