I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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