brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize
