A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
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