I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Princesses don't give blow jobs
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I intend to get homeless drunk
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Randomize
