Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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