it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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