i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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