I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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