you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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