I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
