You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
