Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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