those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
