I'm eating all of the evidence.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
