You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Dick very happy bro
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
