Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Randomize
