The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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