Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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