I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
