I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
