I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
