I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize