HIV tests are more positive than that guy
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
