Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
barbara walters just said penis...
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
