Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
