saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
i drank out of a bidet.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
