Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
