I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize