his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
