I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
