She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Randomize
