Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
