Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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