I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Randomize
