Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
