he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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